🔗 Share this article Balancing the Desire for Casual Encounters While Pursuing a Meaningful Relationship As a gay man in my late 40s, my life has involved many, mostly pleasurable years engaging in spontaneous encounters with other men from my teenage years. In my 30s, I was in a serious relationship that lasted a significant period, but I never felt completely content, in that I didn't experience love or intimately fulfilled. Truthfully, I have always craved casual sex. Every time I begin seeing any man, once the newness fades, I always get the urge to be intimate with new partners again. Reflecting on the Possibility of Exclusive Commitment I am now wondering whether it's possible for me to maintain a monogamous relationship. I understand that many homosexual males have open relationships, but when I’ve witnessed them, they appear like hard work, frequently causing lots of pain and jealousy among all parties. To a large extent, I desire a partner to love me while letting me remain sexually free, however I dread to imagine the psychological toll this would cause. Should I just continue to have casual sex and acknowledge that a lasting partnership may be unattainable? I feel a bit lost. Each individual's sexual journey fluctuates. Avoid considering of your relationship needs or your ability to handle various forms of intimate connections in a finite way. Your needs as you are experiencing them now may well change in the future; eventually you might become less ambivalent and discover some clarity and a comfortable path … or not. At some point you could encounter a person offering a life-changing chance to you by reflecting your desires completely … and at another point you might decide that casual connections are best for you. Worrying about the future and engaging in the “What if?” game is merely anxiety-based and squandering of your efforts. Aim to stay present with your partners, and see the value of every individual with whom you might have a sexual connection. When and if the time is right to strengthen true intimacy with a single person, you will know. Pamela Stephenson Connolly practices as a American psychotherapist who specialises in addressing intimacy issues.