🔗 Share this article

The Prosecution: One Friend's Perspective

Sometimes she films me while having a meal. It's jarring to spot myself on her Instagram – it’s like a jumpscare.

A close companion of 10 years, she, calls herself the “creativity monarch”. It can be amusing for a short while, but it weighs on our friendship.

Being highly outgoing, there's a constant urge the need to document everything all the time. During meals out, she says, “The camera eats first,” and snaps pictures with the flash on, which induces embarrassment. It's unpleasant when other people see her performing for the camera – I get vicarious awkwardness. Another annoyance is because meals lose their warmth.

She's not quite an influencer yet, but she is aspiring to become one. She creates vlogs about living in our city, her daily routine, and her work as a stylist. Her content is good, credit where it's due, but I prefer not to be involved. On occasion I'm captured while I’m eating, or just accompanying her. I’ll see myself on her feed later, and it pops up like a jumpscare: I might be no makeup on, an awkward face or be captured while eating. It’s uncomfortable.

Marielle also anticipates that I will to record her at inconvenient times. Often I'm in conversation to another person, or we’ll just be hanging out in the street. The dynamic feels like our friendship has transformed into me being her unpaid videographer. She could easily employ someone if she wanted high-quality content. When I brought up my unease about this arrangement, she brushed it off. She’s taken me to several brand events, which was nice, but that doesn’t make up for all the energy I spend assisting her make content.

I appreciate that Marielle has helped me with my design career, but I don’t want our connection to become merely a tally of favours. I don’t feel she's insincere or inauthentic, but sometimes it seems that if recording starts, we will begin acting in a way that makes us look good for her channel.

Her directive is, “OK, look happy!” and record me smiling with another. It feels forced. It's crucial her to recognize that our decade-long friendship still has boundaries. I enjoy being with her, but I also want to experience it without being filmed, edited, or shared for an audience. I am not a prop for her Instagram.

The Defence: The Content Creator's View

I hope my friend to see that the creations we make together can get us an opportunity.

I am passionate about shooting content. It’s not just a pastime; it’s part of who I am. Producing content and sharing my life online enables me to show my personality and engage with people in new ways.

I don’t see myself as a professional creator yet, but it’s smart to make money from your interests. I admire people on TikTok who execute that aesthetic of casual, DIY content creation.

Content creation is my interpretation of living actively: observing the nuances, sharing them with an audience that appreciates the craft behind it. I never intend to make my friend uncomfortable. Taking her to professional gatherings was my way of offering access, giving her a opportunity to experience behind-the-scenes moments that could help her career in design too. That’s not leverage, it's simply being realistic.

I’d still take her to such functions even if she refused to assist me, but I want her to see what the work we make together can achieve: a foot in the door. I know not all people enjoys being on camera, but often unplanned moments is what makes content authentic. Being recorded occasionally is part and parcel of being my companion. I would delete anything she asked, but she hasn't made such a request yet.

I don’t expect anyone to be my private videographer, but friends help each other in minor capacities. My assumption was filming a short video here or there would be enjoyable for her. Innovation thrives in collaboration, and having Beth around makes projects energetic and enjoyable. I don't compel her to participate in anything, and I’d never intentionally humiliate her. But creating content jointly occasionally is part of how I document our shared experiences.

I cherish our friendship profoundly and don’t want making videos to come between us. I am ready to find middle ground: like asking before recording, and avoiding shots that might make her self-conscious.

This isn’t about power, it's regarding expressing my perspective while still respecting hers. Clearly making content is not a replacement for real connection: it’s just part of how I experience life and I want her to be involved in a way that’s enjoyable for each of us.

The Jury: Reader Opinions

Is it right for her to stop filming herself and Beth when they are out together?

Nothing is more uncomfortable than having a companion film you. I understand that it’s Marielle’s passion, but I don’t make friends come to my workplace. Perhaps she can find like-minded creators to collaborate with. With the dark, looming future of AI, personal relationships are the only thing we have – don’t waste them!
Liberty, 25

If you’re doing something as a career, you can’t ask your friends for help every time, even if they have done it before. If Marielle loves creating, that doesn't imply everyone around her is content. She needs to respect Beth’s privacy.
Another reader, 26

Marielle might love making content and showing off her life online, but it’s not for everyone. It’s nice she has assisted her friend professionally, but she needs to hear what her friend desires.
A commenter, 27

It seems like you care about each other, so hold on to that and ensure it’s the priority in your relationship. Foster some authentic experiences, where genuine feelings are stored, not digital scrapbooks. In fact, public figures who seem to reveal their worlds actually have more secrecy than it appears.
One opinion, 53

Marielle appears to be neither present nor genuine when she’s with Beth – she’s working. Each appears unsure as to what’s reasonable. The solution is not found in trying to alter one another, but in each establishing clear boundaries around what is comfortable to them and seeing if there is an acceptable compromise.
A final view, 71

Your Turn to Be the Judge

In an online poll: has she been exploiting their bond?