The Words given by A Dad That Rescued Us as a First-Time Parent

"I believe I was simply trying to survive for the first year."

Former Made In Chelsea personality Ryan Libbey thought he would to handle the demands of being a father.

Yet the reality soon became "very different" to his expectations.

Serious health complications surrounding the birth resulted in his partner Louise admitted to hospital. Abruptly he was forced into acting as her primary caregiver in addition to caring for their infant son Leo.

"I handled each nighttime feed, every nappy change… each outing. The job of both mum and dad," Ryan shared.

Following 11 months he reached burnout. That was when a talk with his father, on a public seat, that led him to understand he required support.

The direct words "You are not in a healthy space. You require assistance. How can I support you?" paved the way for Ryan to express himself truthfully, seek support and find a way back.

His story is far from unique, but infrequently talked about. While the public is now more comfortable discussing the strain on mums and about PND, far less attention is paid about the struggles new fathers go through.

'It's not weak to request support'

Ryan thinks his struggles are symptomatic of a wider failure to open up between men, who often hold onto negative notions of manhood.

Men, he says, often feel they must be "the rock that just gets hit and stays upright time and again."

"It is not a show of failure to seek help. I failed to do that soon enough," he explains.

Mental health expert Dr Jill Domoney, a expert focusing on mental health pre and post childbirth, says men frequently refuse to admit they're finding things difficult.

They can feel they are "not justified to be requesting help" - particularly in front of a mother and child - but she emphasises their mental state is just as important to the household.

Ryan's conversation with his dad provided him with the opportunity to request a respite - spending a couple of days overseas, separate from the family home, to get a fresh outlook.

He understood he required a adjustment to consider his and his partner's emotions as well as the logistical chores of taking care of a infant.

When he was honest with Louise, he discovered he'd overlooked "what she longed for" -physical connection and hearing her out.

Self-parenting

That insight has transformed how Ryan views parenthood.

He's now writing Leo letters each week about his feelings as a dad, which he hopes his son will look at as he gets older.

Ryan hopes these will enable his son to better grasp the language of emotion and make sense of his decisions as a father.

The concept of "self-parenting" is something rapper and songwriter Professor Green - whose name is Stephen Manderson - has also felt keenly since fathering his son Slimane, who is now four years old.

As a child Stephen was without consistent male guidance. Even with having an "incredible" relationship with his dad, deep-held emotional pain meant his father had difficulty managing and was "in and out" of his life, making difficult their connection.

Stephen says repressing feelings led him to make "poor decisions" when in his youth to alter how he felt, finding solace in substance use as a way out from the anguish.

"You gravitate to things that don't help," he says. "They may briefly alter how you feel, but they will eventually exacerbate the problem."

Advice for Getting By as a New Father

• Talk to someone - if you're feeling under pressure, confide in a family member, your spouse or a counsellor what you're going through. It can help to reduce the stress and make you feel less isolated.
• Maintain your passions - make time for the pursuits that allowed you to feel like you before having a baby. Examples include exercising, meeting up with mates or a favourite hobby.
• Don't ignore the physical health - nutritious food, physical activity and where possible, resting, all are important in how your mental state is doing.
• Meet other new dads - sharing their journeys, the messy ones, as well as the good ones, can help to put into perspective how you're experiencing things.
• Know that seeking help isn't failing - taking care of your own well-being is the most effective way you can support your loved ones.

When his father later died by suicide, Stephen expectedly had difficulty processing the death, having had no contact with him for a long time.

In his current role as a parent, Stephen's determined not to "repeat the pattern" with his child and instead give the safety and nurturing he lacked.

When his son threatens to have a outburst, for example, they practise "shaking it out" together - expressing the feelings constructively.

Each of Ryan and Stephen explain they have become improved and more well-rounded men because they acknowledged their issues, changed how they express themselves, and taught themselves to manage themselves for their kids.

"I'm better… dealing with things and managing things," says Stephen.

"I put that down in a letter to Leo the other week," Ryan shares. "I said, at times I believe my role is to guide and direct you how to behave, but actually, it's a exchange. I am understanding an equal amount as you are in this journey."